If I tell you that I looked in long-forgotten places where a man may hide … an ordinary man lost (perhaps) … and there found nothing I could recognise nor anyone who looked familiar nor held a map to plan a route nor pointed out the way a man who’s lost might find himself back on the path he thought he took (a long, long time ago) would you then pity me or laugh and send me on my way and like the women known to me and men like me, turn impatiently to say that is not it; that is not what I meant, at all?
Of the many men whom I am, whom we are, I cannot settle on a single one. They are lost to me under the cover of clothing They have departed for another city.
When everything seems to be set to show me off as a man of intelligence, the fool I keep concealed on my person takes over my talk and occupies my mouth.
On other occasions, I am dozing in the midst of people of some distinction, and when I summon my courageous self, a coward completely unknown to me swaddles my poor skeleton in a thousand tiny reservations.
When a stately home bursts into flames, instead of the fireman I summon, an arsonist bursts on the scene, and he is I. There is nothing I can do. What must I do to distinguish myself? How can I put myself together?
All the books I read lionize dazzling hero figures, brimming with self-assurance. I die with envy of them; and, in films where bullets fly on the wind, I am left in envy of the cowboys, left admiring even the horses.
But when I call upon my DASHING BEING, out comes the same OLD LAZY SELF, and so I never know just WHO I AM, nor how many I am, nor WHO WE WILL BE BEING. I would like to be able to touch a bell and call up my real self, the truly me, because if I really need my proper self, I must not allow myself to disappear.
While I am writing, I am far away; and when I come back, I have already left. I should like to see if the same thing happens to other people as it does to me, to see if as many people are as I am, and if they seem the same way to themselves. When this problem has been thoroughly explored, I am going to school myself so well in things that, when I try to explain my problems, I shall speak, not of self, but of geography.
A naked man I met and killed because his naked truth affronted me; affronts me still, and men like me who seldom travel naked across this brooding land, where it is best to ask no questions of such naked men and better yet to act pre-emptively in self-defence of all that’s good and true in this, our honest land, where we are free to call a spade a spade and where we understand the danger of naked men we meet somewhere on the road from this place to that place where every man, for all we know, may wander naked. But not here, not in this great land where we need never say I killed a naked man. Instead, we speak of justice done and of our right because we know this much for sure: From wherever you may be (naked or not) if your last good eye offends thee, pluck it out.
I am in need of music that would flow Over my fretful, feeling fingertips, Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips, With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow. Oh, for the healing swaying, old and low, Of some song sung to rest the tired dead, A song to fall like water on my head, And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow!
There is a magic made by melody: A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep To the subaqueous stillness of the sea, And floats forever in a moon-green pool, Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep.